Take Joy in your Story

I’m sure for most of you, including myself, when you look back at your life you probably find it funny how things turned out compared to what you imagined in your earlier years. Personally, my life almost went the way it should’ve. I married my high school sweetheart, got a good job, surrounded and supported by friends and family. Next steps were to buy a house and start planning for kids. All at 24 years old. I remember thinking to myself “I’m right on track to be doing what everyone else is doing”. Despite all my “good fortune”, I’m sure many people can relate to this feeling, something in my life felt like it was always missing and no matter how much furniture or clothes I bought, or how many houses I looked at, I felt empty and depressed.

Feeling Lost and Defeated

I was angry and stressed all the time and I know for a fact (this can be confirmed by others who know me in the past) that I wasn’t as nice to others as I should’ve been when I was younger, younger as in high school and college. I was tired of being that person who hung out with people then as soon as you’re walking back to the car, you begin talking negatively about that person and regret leaving the couch. Surely this isn’t how real, meaningful relationships are formed.

I felt like I was on this path to “a perfect life” but at the same time felt as if I was being torn apart. Was I doing something wrong? Was there something wrong with me? Whatever it was, I didn’t want to live the rest of my life feeling like this. Going through this “quarter life crisis” I recalled learning in biology that the prefrontal cortex is fully developed at age 25, which practically solidifies your cognitive behavior, personality expression, and social behavior. I remember thinking to myself that I didn’t want to be this mean, selfish, single-minded individual that I am and that I have one year to change that. Luckily I made a friend who helped guide me towards what I wanted to achieve since she was the epitome of what a loving human being should be. She is kind-hearted, warm, the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I wanted to view life and people the same way she did. She introduced me to books, such as “The Alchemist” and “The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck”, podcasts like Impact Theory, and introduced me to David Goggins, the toughest man alive.

The exposure from all this new material provided insight to how it’s ok to not be like everyone and its ok to be confused. Therefore, I jumped in with both feet into this journey of self transformation. Unfortunately, my old life didn’t want to transform as much as I did. My wife refused to believe that I could change, that my new behaviors were fake and that I would eventually go back to the way I was. I sympathize with how she was feeling. It’s hard to be with someone for 10 years and all of a sudden see them change/want to change into somebody different. I stopped hanging out with my friends and family as well as doing things to please others. I focused primarily on myself and did things that made me happy. Sadly in doing so, my wife and I separated but we ended on good terms and understood that we wanted different things at this current time in our life. I lost contact with a lot of my friends and family but channeled my focus and energy towards traveling more, finding my passion, and doing things regardless of what others might say.

The ongoing journey

I was extremely lonely at first and still lonely until this day but that’s ok, because when you make big decisions like this, you really need to soul search and be confident in the decisions you make. I realized that I enjoy my time isolated from others and that I’m still on this journey of self discovery and improvement. So far, I’ve met and been accompanied by amazing people who support me on this journey and are discovering their own path as well. Moral of the story is that, it’s ok to feel like something is missing or unfulfilled. You’re not alone and since I’ve been by myself, literally by myself, I had to learn to cook something besides boiled eggs, personally, I’ve never been happier. The negative stress of planning for this cookie cutter life is gone and I’m left with the good stress. The good stress of waking up every morning trying to better myself and take steps towards finding my passion and doing things that make ME happy. As the quote mentions above, sometimes you have to let go of what you thought life would be despite what you see around you and learn to find joy in the story you are currently living. I don’t want anybody to live the rest of their life, unfulfilled, feeling empty, and taking that to their death bed. We are all amazing one way or another and we all deserve to be happy. Find joy in the unknown, in your decisions, in your mistakes. This is your story and your story deserves to make you feel alive and fulfilled.